Where Are You Christmas?
by Darkwyn B. Dazzled
Summary: Tidings of comfort and joy. Christmas 1976.


Where Are You Christmas

Chapter One

The Potter residence at Godric's Hollow looked as though it was built specifically for the holiday season. Tiny charmed twinkle lights danced about the frame, while forest green wreaths hung on each snow covered window pane. The house seemed lit from within with a glow that shouted "bring us some figgy putting," and all that Christmas time jazz.

Remus looked out from the taxi window and sighed.

"You gettin out, or you wanna let the meter run some more, your call." The drivers grating voice beamed at him in the back seat. Remus winced.

"Yea, what do I owe you?" He was sure he would have barely enough to cover it, blowing the last of his gift money. Remus sighed. Boyfriends complicated life.

Once the cab had been paid; with a _very_ jolly "Merry Christmas," once his money was safely in the cabby's grimy-gloved hand, Remus descended upon the Potters front stoop. He felt somehow wrong ringing the bell this late, or rather early, on Christmas Eve, wondering if the rest of the Potter clan knew what was going on; why he had been frantically called by their son in the middle of this night. James message had been vague, but distinct, scribbled on a piece of parchment,

_Pads is here and asking for you. __PLEASE get__ here._

_J._

And so he was here. He was miles from his warm bed on Christmas Eve and all because he loved the crazy boy. He rang the bell, unsure of how else to get the attention of James and Sirius without using illegal underage magic. He winced when the door didn't open right away. _His family is asleep_, he thought bitterly, _they're asleep and this is so rude, and I've got to get to-_

And suddenly a light lit the front hallway, and Mrs. Potter's sleepy smile was recognizing him from the window. The door swung open, and Mrs. Potter welcomed him in. An awkward pause followed, in which Remus removed his coat and gloves and then stood in the Potters' foyer in nothing but his pajamas. He hadn't wanted to waste time to change.

Mrs. Potter yawned and gave Remus a thoughtful glance. She nodded towards the bedrooms up the stairs, "They're up in Jim's room."

Remus' brain suddenly remembered how to function politely, "Thank you, and I'm so sorry to come at such a late hour, but James said he was asking for me, and I-

"It's _alright_, Remus," she sighed, "Just go on up, I think they might be asleep so tread lightly." She began to head back down the hallway toward the first floor master bedroom, "I'll see you all in the morning," she half yawned over her shoulder. And then Remus stood alone in the foyer. Distantly, he was aware of a clock chiming the hour. _Two __am__, huh_.

Faced with the stairs, Remus found that he didn't want to be confronted with what might lie at the top of them. He knew Sirius wouldn't have asked James to send the owl, he'd be too stubborn, wouldn't want to _bother_ him. For James to go and send it on his own…_It must be bad this time_, he thought dimly.

_Three weeks ago…_

_Remus__ stood watching his absolutely insane boyfriend hop around the room in some form of dance or another. He had to admit the way that Sirius was able to sway hips to the __muggle__ dance music was alluring, but did it have to be so damn loud? The music had a funky sound to it, and __Remus__ listened silently in the doorway, an amused little smirk on his lips. _

_Sirius was still oblivious that he had an audience, and was singing loudly along with Wild Cherry. Given that he was almost completely tone deaf this was quite the afternoon entertainment for __Remus__, who had come up from the common room, where he had been studying, for a forgotten text. _

_R__remaining__ silent, __Remus__ walked slowly up behind the dancing ball of energy and moved until there bodies were aligned and moving to the music together, "Like this so-__" he__ star__ted to say into Sirius' ear ._

_T__he dancing abruptly stopped due to Sirius__'__ wildly swinging elbow coming right for __Remus__' cheek. He barely moved in time, and still got hit with half the intended force of the blow. _

_"Jesus, Sirius! It's__just me__ for fuck's sake!" He exclaimed, clutching at the side of his face. _

_"__Rem__, you scared the fuck out of me!" Sirius threw back at him,__ breathless,__ "I thought you were all down in the common!"_

_"I was," __Remus__ replied pointedly. "I came up for a book I had forgotten." _

_Remus__ rubbed at his cheek, "Man, you're twitchy lately," he whined,__ the pain fading__ along__ with his initial anger at being greeted with a face full of overly excited elbow. Sirius shrugged._

_" 'm__ not__," he turned the volume down on the __muggle__ record player, "just didn't expect the interruption, 's all." He mumbled. He began picking out a new record to play, choosing from the shelf below the turn table. _

_The __muggle__ contraption had been a birthday gift from __Remus__, James and Peter. __It had been __Remus__' idea, knowing how much Sirius __loved to listen to __muggle__ music._

_ "Drives my mum a__bsolutely NUTTERS, totally brilliant, the__ faces she makes," he'd always say. _

_But of course __Remus__ didn't have the money to cover the whole thing, so __Wormtail__ and Prongs had supplemented the rest, and James even went in__ on a few records to go with it. James had deemed it blasphemy to buy Sirius a record player without a David Bowie record to play on it. _

_Remus__ sighed and began rummaging through his things for his forgotten textbook. He paused when he saw an open letter on Sirius' bed (still made, since the two of them had been more often than not sleeping together in __Remus__'__ bed)_

_"It's roomier," Sirius would say as he snuggled in. __Which of course was complete rubbish because all the beds were exactly the same size.__ Pointing this out to Sirius though never did any good, _

_"Yea, but mine __doesn't__ have a __Remus__ i__n it," was the typical answer._

_"What's this, now?" __Remus__ said, picking up the letter. __Sirius looked up sharply, glaring at the piece of paper. _

_"Just a letter from home," he went back __to rifling through the records, but the set of his shoulders was stiffer. _

_Remus__ began rea__ding it, with each line he wondered more and more__ why the thing hadn't been ripped to shreds yet. _

_"Basically, it tells me everything that I must do in order to remain in good graces during the duration of the vacation."__ Sirius had apparently chosen a record, as he was removing one from its sleeve. __He placed it properly on the table and the soft sound__s of__ Bowie__'s__ "Changes" filled the room as __Rem__us__ continued to read the ridiculous__ letter. _

_"Look at this one," __Remus__ exclaimed, "You must match your brother __whe__-__" Sirius's__ lips were suddenly eating up __Remus__' words and he lost his train of thought. _

_"I've read it," Sirius said softly into __Remus__' mouth once they had broken for air, "I know what it says and I don't want to think about it."_

_"But Pads-"_

_"Come on," Sirius grabbed __Remus__' wrist and waist, "Dance with me?"_

_Remus__ laughed. "You're mad, you know that?"_

_"And why's that?" Sirius said__ his dark eyes lit with their usual mischief. _

_"Because," __Remus__ grinned, leaning in for another kiss, "this is a horrible song to da__nce to."_

Present Day

Thinking back to the weeks leading up to break he realized the crack were beginning to appear earlier than usual. As if Sirius himself could sense the coming storm that awaited him back home. It was getting harder for him to keep quiet when his mother spouted off hateful things about his friends, which made it infinitely worse for him in the way of her temper and his father's wrath.

He knew things were getting out of hand in the Black family, noticed the marked increase in Sirius' nervousness before leaving for hols this year. But what had really worried him was the lack of biting remarks about his mother, the absence of his usual scathing words thrown over his shoulder to Regulus in the halls. In place of the bitter witticism and sarcastic barbs Sirius usually used as a coping mechanism for dealing with his insane family, there was a deep silence.

Like before any other extended period away from Hogwarts, his wayward boyfriend had been a jumble of nerves; getting more and more reckless with each day. It was like he tried to squeeze out all the fun life could offer before being sent to a long prison term. Life for him during the days that led up to a break was usually treated like one long last meal, with Remus as dessert.

Not that Remus was complaining. Being treated like a human size piece of chocolate cake had its perks. But it was the desperation that drove him crazy, the recklessness to the point of danger. It was exhausting to keep up with, and heartbreaking to watch at the same time.

Remus hadn't known what the recent silence had really meant. He had a sinking feeling that he was about to find out.

Taking the stairs slowly, careful of any creaks, he reached James' room at the end of the long hallway. Steeling himself, he quietly pushed the door open.


End file.
